a mess.

i know its been a long time since i've britten and i dont really know where to begin. my life is a mess and thats the best way to descibe it. i'm alone and really tired of just having one friend. i want to restore friendships. i want to laugh and smile again. i want to feel like i'm worth being here again. i'm tired of my life just being softball and school. i want my friends back. i'm tired of being accused of things. i hate being ok with sitting alone and feeling like an outcast. i'm tired of not desiring God. i'm tired of not having loving relationships. i want that joyful spirit i used to have back. i'm tired of wishing my life away to get away from everything i'm dealing with. i want everything to be ok. i want to enjoy my senior year. i want it to be the best years of my life like everyone says they are. i want my old friends back, or atleast friends. i want happiness back. i just want me back.