i guess this continues on from my last blog about friends. except this one will probably be short and sweet.
as i sat at starbucks last night with a true friend... i got a text from one of the "friends" saying we needed to work it out. so i told her if thats what she really wanted. so i guess i decided i would hear her out. but in doing that i figured out what she really wanted. she wanted to put me down like the other two already had. and honestly after hearing what she wanted to say to me. i was done. i kept telling my friend "i dont owe them anything" which i really dont. if what they are saying about me is truly how they feel about me then why would they want to work things wout with someone that they thing is a five letter word or other things along that line. as i started to meditate over that text it really started to hit me that these people are not what i thought they were. and i understand people change because according to them i have, but i have because of them. and as i look back on it i've changed for the worse. because i started doing and saying things that were'nt right, and i started blowing off TRUE friends. but as i sat there at starbucks it really all started to click. it just really sucks because i put my heart and soul into thoes friendships.
because thats just what kind of person i am. i put my heart and soul into things. but as i've learned from this doing that isnt always the smartest thing because other people that you think will do the same wont. something my mom told me last night after i finally decided to end it with them was that if you put 100% in you will always get 100% hurt. and that is true. if things turn out for the worse then you will lose what you put into it. but another thing i will remember is that they kept telling me that this is my time. right now i'm at the point in my life of being able to chase after something most just dream of. but in doing so i must give up alot, and thats one of the things thoes girls didnt understand. but right now i choose to follow after my dream and do whatever it takes to get there, and i know that there are really people out there that want the same for me even if that means i see them less, that they are still behind me following my dream. i guess losing these three friends is the right thing for me to do right now, that even though im losing 3 years of friendship with two of them and then probably about 8 or 9 years with the other one that this is the right thing for me right now to follow after my dream.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
friends.
how do you know what a true friend looks like. with all honesty you dont know what one looks like. you just hope that the person you are building a relationship with will put in the same kind of effort that you are putting into it.
well i've have a group of three other girls and myself that i have been good friends with for a good long while. we were thoes girls that were always together. but since school got out. its been a diffeent story. well two of them graduated and i'm not saying thats the reason but graduation day is when i started to notice a difference.
one of the friends. she and i are the ones that are "best friends" i guess is what people call us. the ones that come up will silly nicknames for eachother and that because thats all we call eachother thats the only name people know them by. well she and i evadently arnt that anymore. it wasnt until this last week that i learned of this. i've noticed that things have been weird because she hasnt wanted to hang out with me but she was hanging out with the other two. and i was getting upset and didnt understand because i didnt know i had done something wrong which is what most people feel when that happens.
well as i've talked to her this week. there has evadently been alot left unsaid. and i understand that i make wrongs and i am human and that i make mistakes. but unless i'm told about them then how am i supposed to know so i can try and fix things. well it hurts for this to happen. especially when your faults are the only ones being focused on, because everyone has faults and makes mistakes. but girls will never own up, well let me rephrase that, no one will own up to what they have done they just want to pass it onto someone else so they arnt the one that is being blamed. and it sucks. but i guess the only way for this to end is if i take all the faults and try not to blame anyone else. its hard because the other two friends are against me as well. well i know one of them is for sure because i've talked to her, but i dont know if the other one is but when "we" is used i'm assuming that its true.
it just sucks that my its my faults that are being focused on because we all mess up, and my side isnt being listened to, that because i wasnt told i didnt know there was something that needed to be fixed until now. when our friendship is basically over from the looks of it. i just dont understand how the years of friendships that we all have had will be thrown away just because of my one fault. but i guess that means they arnt really my "best friends" like we all call eachother. i hate drama. but everyone does. and it always seems to be brought upon me, that nothing can ever get right, but i mean its part of Gods plan and its a learning experience. i mean basically it sucks because from the looks of it i'm about to lose three really "good" friends, but i guess there is always a lesson to be learned, and there is always a plan for these things. i guess just pray that i can continue to keep pushing on through this mess of friendships. that i can find the people that are the truest friends, the people that i'm supposed to confide in and really trust. i guess i partially already have, and i'm thankful for that. and i guess just pray for these other girls that they will too realize that we all mess up, and that focusing on my screw ups isnt going to help it. that we must forgive and forget, and move on, and not hold anything against eachother because all that does it make things worse. like they are now. a big pot of worse.
well i've have a group of three other girls and myself that i have been good friends with for a good long while. we were thoes girls that were always together. but since school got out. its been a diffeent story. well two of them graduated and i'm not saying thats the reason but graduation day is when i started to notice a difference.
one of the friends. she and i are the ones that are "best friends" i guess is what people call us. the ones that come up will silly nicknames for eachother and that because thats all we call eachother thats the only name people know them by. well she and i evadently arnt that anymore. it wasnt until this last week that i learned of this. i've noticed that things have been weird because she hasnt wanted to hang out with me but she was hanging out with the other two. and i was getting upset and didnt understand because i didnt know i had done something wrong which is what most people feel when that happens.
well as i've talked to her this week. there has evadently been alot left unsaid. and i understand that i make wrongs and i am human and that i make mistakes. but unless i'm told about them then how am i supposed to know so i can try and fix things. well it hurts for this to happen. especially when your faults are the only ones being focused on, because everyone has faults and makes mistakes. but girls will never own up, well let me rephrase that, no one will own up to what they have done they just want to pass it onto someone else so they arnt the one that is being blamed. and it sucks. but i guess the only way for this to end is if i take all the faults and try not to blame anyone else. its hard because the other two friends are against me as well. well i know one of them is for sure because i've talked to her, but i dont know if the other one is but when "we" is used i'm assuming that its true.
it just sucks that my its my faults that are being focused on because we all mess up, and my side isnt being listened to, that because i wasnt told i didnt know there was something that needed to be fixed until now. when our friendship is basically over from the looks of it. i just dont understand how the years of friendships that we all have had will be thrown away just because of my one fault. but i guess that means they arnt really my "best friends" like we all call eachother. i hate drama. but everyone does. and it always seems to be brought upon me, that nothing can ever get right, but i mean its part of Gods plan and its a learning experience. i mean basically it sucks because from the looks of it i'm about to lose three really "good" friends, but i guess there is always a lesson to be learned, and there is always a plan for these things. i guess just pray that i can continue to keep pushing on through this mess of friendships. that i can find the people that are the truest friends, the people that i'm supposed to confide in and really trust. i guess i partially already have, and i'm thankful for that. and i guess just pray for these other girls that they will too realize that we all mess up, and that focusing on my screw ups isnt going to help it. that we must forgive and forget, and move on, and not hold anything against eachother because all that does it make things worse. like they are now. a big pot of worse.
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