wrong friends.

i guess this continues on from my last blog about friends. except this one will probably be short and sweet.

as i sat at starbucks last night with a true friend... i got a text from one of the "friends" saying we needed to work it out. so i told her if thats what she really wanted. so i guess i decided i would hear her out. but in doing that i figured out what she really wanted. she wanted to put me down like the other two already had. and honestly after hearing what she wanted to say to me. i was done. i kept telling my friend "i dont owe them anything" which i really dont. if what they are saying about me is truly how they feel about me then why would they want to work things wout with someone that they thing is a five letter word or other things along that line. as i started to meditate over that text it really started to hit me that these people are not what i thought they were. and i understand people change because according to them i have, but i have because of them. and as i look back on it i've changed for the worse. because i started doing and saying things that were'nt right, and i started blowing off TRUE friends. but as i sat there at starbucks it really all started to click. it just really sucks because i put my heart and soul into thoes friendships.

because thats just what kind of person i am. i put my heart and soul into things. but as i've learned from this doing that isnt always the smartest thing because other people that you think will do the same wont. something my mom told me last night after i finally decided to end it with them was that if you put 100% in you will always get 100% hurt. and that is true. if things turn out for the worse then you will lose what you put into it. but another thing i will remember is that they kept telling me that this is my time. right now i'm at the point in my life of being able to chase after something most just dream of. but in doing so i must give up alot, and thats one of the things thoes girls didnt understand. but right now i choose to follow after my dream and do whatever it takes to get there, and i know that there are really people out there that want the same for me even if that means i see them less, that they are still behind me following my dream. i guess losing these three friends is the right thing for me to do right now, that even though im losing 3 years of friendship with two of them and then probably about 8 or 9 years with the other one that this is the right thing for me right now to follow after my dream.