by his wounds

its just kinda funny how timing comes. one minute you feel one way and the next its a whole other story. When i woke up this morning and laying in bed at ten till six. the lyrics of jermey camps song there will be a day came into my head.

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

and the really funny thing is when i turned my radio on to listen to while i got ready. that song is the first song i heart. it kinda just reminded me of that God still loves me as i've gone through all these struggles and that there really will be a day with no more tears and no more pain. i'm looking forward to it.

then later at first priority we sang the song by his wounds and the lyrics really hit me b/c of how i've been feeling:

We are healed by Your sacrifice And the life that You gave We are healed for You paid the price By Your grace we are saved We are saved

with all the stuff thats been going on to be reminded that i've been healed is a real comfort to me. i just sometimes dont fathom how lucky i am. and how truly blessed i am. and that really opened my eyes today. releasing me partially from this blur that i'm in.

as i went through out my day i seemed to feel more relaxed and just not much in a fog. and i really started to feel good. like todays gunna be a good day. and it was.

after school i always find myself down at the softball field. for some strange reason. no its actually because i love it. haha ok. well two weeks ago i was informed that there is a scout comming to watch one of my friends. but i was quickly informed that my coach told this woman comming to take a look at me as well just because she can. and when i found out that she was gunna be watching me next friday. all sorts of emotions went through me. excitment. nervousness. hello college is almost here. do i really want to play in college. a full ride with my grades and softball together say what? it really started me thinking about my future. i mean i've thought about it before when people are like hey... so where are you looking at for college.. and i could give a few. but now i have to decide if playing softball in college is what i really want to do. God has blessed me with an amazing ability to be very athletic and fall in love with the game of softball. is it really what he wants for my life? and then more recently i've been catching. our team this year is short of a catcher and when i broke my finger thats all i was able to do was catch our pitcher. but in doing so i started to fall in love with it. its something so powerful i love it. i'm in charge of the field. i can see every player. every step that is taken. every nose picked... haha i just threw that one in for kicks. but sitting behind the plate has handed me control and i like it. and having college thoughts in my head if i can become an outstanding catcher. i can play in college. i can be wanted. i can achieve what most think cant be done. i dont have to ask my parents to pay for my college i can say i did it on my own. (well with God's blessings of couse) but its really got me started thinking if i hadnt broken my finger i wouldnt have started catching. if i wouldnt have started catching then my team wouldnt have a catcher. and even more if i'm a good catcher someone might want me in college i could be good enough. but then it just takes me back to the drawing board. is playing softball in college really what i want to do. i think though honestly i'd miss the too cold practices. the dirt in my hair and under my nails. the bruses. the awesome tan lines i get. and also the family that i get. the 14 other girls that become my sisters. the ones that know how i'm feeling when i walk off the field after a loss or a win. or when we have to run too many sprints to count b/c of errors in a game. i think i'd miss it all too much to say no to. its just a tough decision. but i still have a week before the lady comes. so i guess that means i better get practicing. but i always am anyway.

it just feels good to know i'm in little less of a blur. and i'm starting to figure out who i really am.