as life flashed before my eyes.

it had gotten rough. rougher than i ever had expected. i was ready to give up, throw in the towel and say i'm done. i was just tired and stressed and couldnt do it anymore. and things kept happening. God kept trying to get my attention but i never would look his way.

two weeks ago i finally got a new car. i though it was all good, finally on the road again by myself, and life got ok. but then God started to get my attention, well he was trying to.

two weeks ago tomorrow one of my best friends got in a car wreck and had to go to the hospital, she just got whip lash, but its still scary. it messed me up kinda to think about her, and watching her go through it. that friday night i found out some intresting news, it was good but bad news in my opinion, and changed my mind about some things. but it wasnt until that monday that i really got messed up.

i was on my way to watch clemson and furman in a baseball game at the drive stadium, i had just picked up on friend and was on my way to go get another. i wasnt even 3 minuets away from my friends house when it happend. i got in a car wreck, and it messed me up good. it was luckally his fault and no one was hurt. but its still the scariest thing i've ever been through and messed me up really bad. i had nightmares for nights and couldnt stop hearing the sounds and flashbacks. i couldnt even get behind the wheel of the car for a couple days. it wasnt a bad accident but it scared me for good. the day after it happened i was up at the church and ran into a very important woman in my life and i look at her with the upmost respect. and she reminded me of my strengh that i could do anything and was able to achieve anything, and that yeah i've had more than my fair share of stuff and so has she but that i am strong enough to get through it. and i have. took the love of people to show me that i can.

wednesday night i got to see my small group girls and seeing them always brings a smile to my face. they just make me happy, but it wasnt until after that i really started seeing God. my friend told me that she had something in her car and wanted to give it to me. the friday before she and i went to hobby lobby and i saw a cross there that i really liked but didnt have enough money to get it. and i told her how i collect crosses but only if i come upon them, i dont go looking for them. well she had bought the cross for me and also wrote me a note. 33 reasons why i love kristie baker. and just reading it reminded me that i am loved and that there is love out there. but it wasnt until the next day that i really got confused. at lunch i'm normally the last one to get to the lunch table, but b/c the people that i sit with are all in the same 4th period and they were held after the bell i got to the table before all of them. when i walked up to the table there was an envelope with my name on it and i got really confused. so i picked it up and turned it over and on the back it said i hope this gift treats you well, and i was really confused at this point. i opened it up and saw a twenty sitting in the envelope and there was another note saying i hope you enjoy this, God loves you. your brother in christ. and thats all it said as people started walking up to the table they started asking questions. i finally looked through the whole envelope and there were 4 more twenties behind that one. there was 100 dollars lying on the table given to me from a stranger. i didnt get it. i didnt understand it. my brain couldnt comprehend it. i dont know how someone could give up 100 dollars to give to me. i was just speachless. God was pouring love down on me when i didnt deserve it.

i mean i'm still trying very hard to get my life stright. its not easy. its a daily choice and i'm still working on it. i will never be perfect. but when i had gotten to my low of lows and wanting to give up God was there to remind me that i am loved. by him and by others. so i guess even though as i hit the other car as he pulled out infront of me and really put my life into perspective God was saying just wait. i have amazing things instore for you. you just have to keep battleing this storm. and one day the skies will clear up.