how do you know what a true friend looks like. with all honesty you dont know what one looks like. you just hope that the person you are building a relationship with will put in the same kind of effort that you are putting into it.
well i've have a group of three other girls and myself that i have been good friends with for a good long while. we were thoes girls that were always together. but since school got out. its been a diffeent story. well two of them graduated and i'm not saying thats the reason but graduation day is when i started to notice a difference.
one of the friends. she and i are the ones that are "best friends" i guess is what people call us. the ones that come up will silly nicknames for eachother and that because thats all we call eachother thats the only name people know them by. well she and i evadently arnt that anymore. it wasnt until this last week that i learned of this. i've noticed that things have been weird because she hasnt wanted to hang out with me but she was hanging out with the other two. and i was getting upset and didnt understand because i didnt know i had done something wrong which is what most people feel when that happens.
well as i've talked to her this week. there has evadently been alot left unsaid. and i understand that i make wrongs and i am human and that i make mistakes. but unless i'm told about them then how am i supposed to know so i can try and fix things. well it hurts for this to happen. especially when your faults are the only ones being focused on, because everyone has faults and makes mistakes. but girls will never own up, well let me rephrase that, no one will own up to what they have done they just want to pass it onto someone else so they arnt the one that is being blamed. and it sucks. but i guess the only way for this to end is if i take all the faults and try not to blame anyone else. its hard because the other two friends are against me as well. well i know one of them is for sure because i've talked to her, but i dont know if the other one is but when "we" is used i'm assuming that its true.
it just sucks that my its my faults that are being focused on because we all mess up, and my side isnt being listened to, that because i wasnt told i didnt know there was something that needed to be fixed until now. when our friendship is basically over from the looks of it. i just dont understand how the years of friendships that we all have had will be thrown away just because of my one fault. but i guess that means they arnt really my "best friends" like we all call eachother. i hate drama. but everyone does. and it always seems to be brought upon me, that nothing can ever get right, but i mean its part of Gods plan and its a learning experience. i mean basically it sucks because from the looks of it i'm about to lose three really "good" friends, but i guess there is always a lesson to be learned, and there is always a plan for these things. i guess just pray that i can continue to keep pushing on through this mess of friendships. that i can find the people that are the truest friends, the people that i'm supposed to confide in and really trust. i guess i partially already have, and i'm thankful for that. and i guess just pray for these other girls that they will too realize that we all mess up, and that focusing on my screw ups isnt going to help it. that we must forgive and forget, and move on, and not hold anything against eachother because all that does it make things worse. like they are now. a big pot of worse.
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Taking all the fault upon yourself is hard. every opputunity that comes up that you could say something spurs that feeling where the words you want to say just get caught in your throat and you choke on them till you swallow it back down.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it can be good, but other times doing this could be bad.
in the good sense, you are stopping the circle of blaming the person next to you. I may have said this before, but almost every girl i talk to seem to all agree "they hate drama." And i believe them. but when i look at their actions i see that also no girl likes for drama to stop. not on them atleast. so what happens is the drama gets puton someone, they dont like it stopped there, so they pass it on to someone else. then that person doesnt like it, so it gets passed on again. then it becomes that no body likes a hand scortching hot potatoe, but no body wants to scortch their hand, so it ends up getting alot of peoples hands burnt.
If that makes sense.
if it were that simple tho, you could throw the potatoe in the middle and be done with it. but sadly when others put drama or fault on you, they force it on you continuously, telling others, nagging you, being angry with you, etc. its all becomes alot to hold. but taking it means you are stopping everyone from getting burned. and like all hot things do, they eventually cool down.
then you can eat the potatoe if you want put gravy on it, cheese, sour creme whatever you fancy. enjoy. lol
but in that sense taking fault on yourself can be good. it prevents others pain, while making you endure it. all the while, if any of the fault actyually does rest on you, you can take that and learn from it and use it as sustanance for growth, making you into a stronger, better person.
and there in lies where it could be bad. you could be using sustinence for yourself, where as others may need it.
recently both genders have become closer to acting like the other. girls having to assume male roles because boys are doing vice versa. I know several girls who take it on theirselves not to hurt a guy by telling them things that the boy should work on. which leads to boys contniuing in that action until someone wacks them on the head and tells them to stop pooping on the carpet, or whatever it is the guy is doing that nees to be fixed. that is why you see the relationships you have with boys arent that good. In highschool both genders are in the "puppy stage" they still are learning how to mature into a better, completed man and woman. so all the girls who want men, get boys, and all the boys who want women, get girls. its juist the way it is, no boy is born a man and its up to you girls to fix em up. later in life, you will get the man that is a product of all the hard work all the girls hee dated put into him. just as the boy you work on today will one day become a man for some woman that all the boys in her life shaped her to be when she was a girl.
It all works out, just not at the time we want it too.
(which most ppl want to be "now")
Sorry about the long comment, i rant sometimes. lol . ive read this oneas your two other more recent posts. this is a lil bit of advice for all of them, if you wanted it. hope you are doing well.