to be in a blur

in the last week or so my mind has just been a blur. i've got so much on my mind it all cancles eachother out to become a blur. its hard to describe the feeling of how i've felt. i've started to slack in school. i've become not me. my walk with God has been difficult i finished 1 samuel last week and all i took from the book of 31 chapters is that he took david someone no one believed in and did great things with him. after finishing that book i've had no clue what book to start. and my daily time with God has slowly dwindled down to none. i've also started to long for a relationship with a boy. i mean every girl longs to be told shes beautiful. that shes amazing. that she puts a smile on someones face when shes thought about. to hold his hand. to be able to say yea he's mine and i got a good one. but the struggle is after the last relationship i went through and now that i'm finally healed every boy i talk to i've become intrested in. and then realize what a great friendship i have with him that i dont want to jepordize it. but theres one boy. that i've thought about for a long time. and he and i have been communicating recently. and the hard thing is to continously tell my heart no. you must wait. thats the one thing i hate about being a girl. we have to be the one to wait. but in the end its all the more wonderful. but the waiting part isnt so much. being told i'll text you later or when i get home and then attaching your phone to your hip because you long for that message and are continously telling yourself your not gunna get it just so you dont get your hopes up. thats the hard part. and then the softball field. the place i love. the place where i can let all my worries go. when i'm mad i just hit the junk out of a ball. i'm a blur there too. i cant field. i cant throw. and most of all i've been in a hitting slum. and cant get out of it. i slave in the batting cage stay an hour and a half after practice but yet dont improve since i stepped in. i just cant get out of this fog. and then i'm having friends dealing with situations that i recently just went through and i know how to help them but i just cant because of the blur that i'm in. i just have a cloud in my head. and it wont go away.