to be busy is an understatement.

this week i was so busy its crazy. it was also a very difficult week. my emotions were on a roller coster. with everything that was going on with my mom i jumped off the side of a bridge before looking i guess would be the right term. i found out that a guy was intrested in me and thats what i've been wanting for a while, and to hear that i'm beautiful, and wonderful again just makes a person feel good. well sunday night i stayed on the phone till 1 in the morning with this boy. probably saying things that i shouldnt have said. and sharing too much about myself. i'm not saying i did/said anything wrong. i just opened up too quickly. and monday morning i spend another 2 1/2 hours on the phone with him. it was just nice being wanted. he really wanted to see me on monday but i told him no because i needed to figure out my life and if this is what i really wanted. so i asked him to let me pray about it. and i did pray but not as long as i should have and spent as much time as i should have meditating on this subject. so that night when i talked to him again i told him that i was willing to see where this was gunna go. the next two days i felt like he and i were on different pages. that he was thinking that we were in the soon stages of boyfriend girlfriend and i was thinking ok lets go out on a date to see where this will take us. so tuesday and wednesday i was just very over stressed and worried about it all. and it was literally driving me crazy. and people kept asking me whats going on, because they wanted to know every last detail. well on wednesday night at chruch i ended up talking to one of my d-gorup leaders and she was just asked me a bunch of questions about how i feel about it all. and she told me to follow how i feel. which was talk to him and get him on my same page. well that night i was on the phone with a friend of mine talking to her about it all and i was telling her that i needed to tell him and that i wanted to do it that night but i really didnt wanna do it. and as i was saying this i had a phone call beeping in. it was him. so it pretty much was God just saying you know what do it. so i proceded to tell him how i felt about it all and he understood. and we got off the phone. the rest of the week was just intresting for me figuring out him. b/c i felt as a weight had been lifted i didnt have to worry anymore and it just felt good. but i still just felt really bad about it all. i continued to stay busy with softball through the whole week. and friday rolled around. d-now. such a wonderful weekend. and i had no clue what was going to happen. but of course God does things how he wants to not how you want to. friday night when we went bowling till one in the morning. we bowled next to the junior guys because they wanted to compete to see who was better, but it was never really kept up with. but while bowling i got a suprise out of now where. i had a conversation with jay. miracles do happen. while i was wating to bowl he just came over and asked me how i was doing. i kinda just sat there like what?! and then i answered. it was just small talk but it was good. it was an improvement. it was a step. i was just very happy. that pretty much made my weekend. but yet God had more instore for me. on saturday morning i got a phone call from a number i didnt know while we were in our quiet time/small group. when i listened to the voicemail i screamed for about 10 minutes. the wonderful amanda rogers called me. i couldnt believe it. i finally got in touch with her and i was pretty much the happiest person ever. that night i also wasnt expecting what came. i hadnt talked to zach pretty much after i told him that we needed to work on being friends right now. and he waited till on me so he could give me a hug. it was just nice to know i didnt kill him. my weekend also taught me things other than the invasion. God really taught me about guarding my heart this weekend more than the invasion. which i guess God does things differently for different reasons. i'm just so thankful i have a father that loves me because he loves me. and thats all that really matters.